Hi there, long time no speak.
Any reader in the UK would be familiar with this story: Lesbian couple open first ''gay-only' fertility clinic
I was just watching an indepth discussion surrounding the matter on a UK breakfast television programme This Morning. The lesbian couple in question were part of the debate, and opposing them was your typical 'I'm not a homophobe but...' Christian woman who went on and on about how the clinic would cost the taxpayer (it wasn't paid for by taxpayer's money at all) and how babies needed fathers.
I have to ask: how on earth do we cope with the constant pressure of heterosexism? Does it ever get better? On TV there are perfect straight couples surrounded with smiling children as they advertise a new sofa or breakfast cereal or the latest dating website. Though we have more rights than ever, it seems we are still viewed as being 'different' and 'abnormal'. Does that get easier to deal with?
Tuesday, 29 March 2011
Wednesday, 16 March 2011
Landslide
Each day I am learning that I am not alone, whether it be due to the wonderful people at afterellen.com or the newest episode of Glee. I do have some days where I feel ashamed, and I really hate that, but those days are getting fewer and fewer.
I suppose it doesn't really help that I'm only out to three people: my parents and my Dad's cousin (hi Paul!). They've all been brilliant and I know they all love and accept me for who I am. I can't really say that about the rest of my family: no, that's unfair. What I mean is, I'm convinced they won't love me or want me in their lives anymore when they know the truth. The delusion and conviction is so deep it's affecting my relationships within my family, and even with my very lovely best friend.
Religion has a part to play of course. My maternal grandparents are Christians, and though never overtly homophobic I know they wouldn't approve. I have this memory that clings and haunts me, of a moment when me and my grandparents were talking about the soap operas on TV and my grandfather said that the programmes were no good anymore because they were "full of queers". That did sting. That was a time before I'd really come to terms with the possibility of being gay, but I've sort of known I was different since I was about thirteen.
Well, thirteen was the age that I actually thought the words "Oh God, I might be a lesbian.", but I immediately stuffed them away and trod them down and shut my eyes to them. I probably would have kept up the pretense, but it was becoming more and more apparent how I wasn't at all attracted to any boy I was in a relationship with. My first boyfriend, at age eleven, also turned out to be gay so thankfully we never really went near each other. When I got into a more 'real' relationship I found that any signs of affection bored me and I just wanted to push him away every time he tried to kiss me. I couldn't understand why other girls were swooning over it when kissing boys seemed so dull. Every time I kissed a boy I felt absolutely nothing. That was one of the first signs.
But really the first signs were when I was a child. My mother child-minded another girl who was my age, let's call her Lucy for now, and we became as close as sisters all through primary school. Lucy drove me crazy and we always had fights, but I do remember the games we'd play. I'd always be 'the boy' and kiss her: I think being 'the boy' made it feel more easy within myself to accept I was attracted to girls. In all the games at school I played the 'husband' when we played in the makeshift toy house set up in the classroom. It was obvious now I look back at it, but at the time I was too young to notice.
That's all for now. Please chat if your out there, I'd like to hear from you.
P.S. The title of this newest entry is from the song 'Landslide' by Fleetwood Mac, which is an amazing song (and also played a big part in Glee episode 15...)
I suppose it doesn't really help that I'm only out to three people: my parents and my Dad's cousin (hi Paul!). They've all been brilliant and I know they all love and accept me for who I am. I can't really say that about the rest of my family: no, that's unfair. What I mean is, I'm convinced they won't love me or want me in their lives anymore when they know the truth. The delusion and conviction is so deep it's affecting my relationships within my family, and even with my very lovely best friend.
Religion has a part to play of course. My maternal grandparents are Christians, and though never overtly homophobic I know they wouldn't approve. I have this memory that clings and haunts me, of a moment when me and my grandparents were talking about the soap operas on TV and my grandfather said that the programmes were no good anymore because they were "full of queers". That did sting. That was a time before I'd really come to terms with the possibility of being gay, but I've sort of known I was different since I was about thirteen.
Well, thirteen was the age that I actually thought the words "Oh God, I might be a lesbian.", but I immediately stuffed them away and trod them down and shut my eyes to them. I probably would have kept up the pretense, but it was becoming more and more apparent how I wasn't at all attracted to any boy I was in a relationship with. My first boyfriend, at age eleven, also turned out to be gay so thankfully we never really went near each other. When I got into a more 'real' relationship I found that any signs of affection bored me and I just wanted to push him away every time he tried to kiss me. I couldn't understand why other girls were swooning over it when kissing boys seemed so dull. Every time I kissed a boy I felt absolutely nothing. That was one of the first signs.
But really the first signs were when I was a child. My mother child-minded another girl who was my age, let's call her Lucy for now, and we became as close as sisters all through primary school. Lucy drove me crazy and we always had fights, but I do remember the games we'd play. I'd always be 'the boy' and kiss her: I think being 'the boy' made it feel more easy within myself to accept I was attracted to girls. In all the games at school I played the 'husband' when we played in the makeshift toy house set up in the classroom. It was obvious now I look back at it, but at the time I was too young to notice.
That's all for now. Please chat if your out there, I'd like to hear from you.
P.S. The title of this newest entry is from the song 'Landslide' by Fleetwood Mac, which is an amazing song (and also played a big part in Glee episode 15...)
Monday, 7 March 2011
New Beginnings
Hello to anyone who is out there.
I've decided to write this blog in order to organise my thoughts and also to help anyone else in my situation: because, trust me, YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
I'm going to be 20 in a month or so and though I've probably known the truth deep down (very deep down) all of my life, it is only now that I have begun to realise who I really am. I've gone to great lengths to ignore it in the past, which includes me convincing myself I was in love with one of my male best friends for nearly a year and a half. Eventually I realised I couldn't hide or lie anymore, and that it was time to be honest.
I'm gay.
There. It's out there. I want to talk about my feelings in this blog and discuss my fears, and remind everyone that perhaps it really can 'get better' if we all stick together.
Listed below are several things that have really helped me in learning who I am. I'd recommend them to anyone questioning their sexuality.
Books: (these can all be found on Amazon)
Rubyfruit Jungle by Rita Mae Brown (fantastically written)
Keeping You a Secret by Julie Anne Peters (young adult fiction, but very much so worth a read)
Annie on My Mind by Nancy Garden (a young adult classic)
Girl Meets Girl: A Dating Survival Guide by Diana Cage
Same Sex in the City: So Your Prince Charming is Really a Cinderella by Lauren Levin and Lauren Blitzer (an amazing book)
Oranges are Not the Only Fruit by Jeanette Winterson (simply wonderful - a must read)
Magazines:
DIVA Magazine - quite a short list seeing as DIVA is the only lesbian magazine in Europe. A fantastic publication with great articles. It comes out once a month, and can be bought from WH Smith and Tesco.
Films/TV:
Glee - who doesn't love a bit of song and dance to put a smile on your face?
Skins (series 3 and 4) - the Naomi/Emily storyline.
Coronation Street - the Sophie/Sian storyline.
But I'm a Cheerleader - when a teenage lesbian is sent to a 'straight camp' by her parents, she discovers more than she had ever imagined. A wonderful comedy about how you cannot change who you are or who you want. Very funny movie.
Imagine Me and You - Romantic and funny. A young woman happens to fall in love at first sight with her female florist... on her wedding day.
Milk - an interesting look at the progress of gay rights, and the great man Harvey Milk.
Oranges are Not the Only Fruit - an adaptation of the novel. This was adapted by Jeanette Winterson herself so is brilliantly done. Read the book first.
Torchwood - aliens. It's a great show.
I'll be writing more here in a few days. Please respond if you are reading, it'll be nice to know you're there.
Keep smiling. xx
I've decided to write this blog in order to organise my thoughts and also to help anyone else in my situation: because, trust me, YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
I'm going to be 20 in a month or so and though I've probably known the truth deep down (very deep down) all of my life, it is only now that I have begun to realise who I really am. I've gone to great lengths to ignore it in the past, which includes me convincing myself I was in love with one of my male best friends for nearly a year and a half. Eventually I realised I couldn't hide or lie anymore, and that it was time to be honest.
I'm gay.
There. It's out there. I want to talk about my feelings in this blog and discuss my fears, and remind everyone that perhaps it really can 'get better' if we all stick together.
Listed below are several things that have really helped me in learning who I am. I'd recommend them to anyone questioning their sexuality.
Books: (these can all be found on Amazon)
Rubyfruit Jungle by Rita Mae Brown (fantastically written)
Keeping You a Secret by Julie Anne Peters (young adult fiction, but very much so worth a read)
Annie on My Mind by Nancy Garden (a young adult classic)
Girl Meets Girl: A Dating Survival Guide by Diana Cage
Same Sex in the City: So Your Prince Charming is Really a Cinderella by Lauren Levin and Lauren Blitzer (an amazing book)
Oranges are Not the Only Fruit by Jeanette Winterson (simply wonderful - a must read)
Magazines:
DIVA Magazine - quite a short list seeing as DIVA is the only lesbian magazine in Europe. A fantastic publication with great articles. It comes out once a month, and can be bought from WH Smith and Tesco.
Films/TV:
Glee - who doesn't love a bit of song and dance to put a smile on your face?
Skins (series 3 and 4) - the Naomi/Emily storyline.
Coronation Street - the Sophie/Sian storyline.
But I'm a Cheerleader - when a teenage lesbian is sent to a 'straight camp' by her parents, she discovers more than she had ever imagined. A wonderful comedy about how you cannot change who you are or who you want. Very funny movie.
Imagine Me and You - Romantic and funny. A young woman happens to fall in love at first sight with her female florist... on her wedding day.
Milk - an interesting look at the progress of gay rights, and the great man Harvey Milk.
Oranges are Not the Only Fruit - an adaptation of the novel. This was adapted by Jeanette Winterson herself so is brilliantly done. Read the book first.
Torchwood - aliens. It's a great show.
I'll be writing more here in a few days. Please respond if you are reading, it'll be nice to know you're there.
Keep smiling. xx
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)